Helping someone with anxiety
Anxiety is a natural response to a stressful situation. Those nervous and apprehensive feelings are usually short-lived and go away once the stressful event is over. Anxiety becomes hard to manage when those anxious feelings stick around and start to impact a person’s daily life. Over 2 million Australians are affected by anxiety each year.[1]
Watching someone you care about struggle with anxiety can feel overwhelming. You want to help, but you might not know what to say or do. The good news is that your support can make a meaningful difference.
Understanding anxiety symptoms
Recognising when someone is experiencing anxiety can help you respond with greater empathy and understanding.
Anxiety affects people differently, but below are some common signs and symptoms of anxiety:[2]
- Trouble concentrating or making decisions
- Feeling irritable, tense or restless
- Experiencing nausea or abdominal distress
- Having heart palpitations
- Sweating, trembling or shaking
- Trouble sleeping
- Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom.
When someone has anxiety, they may also have difficulty controlling their worry, find it hard to make decisions and avoid certain situations that could trigger the anxiety.
How to provide meaningful support
Here are some approaches to support someone who is experiencing anxiety.
Express concern without judgement
When you notice changes in the person’s behaviour – such as withdrawing from activities they used to enjoy – you can express your observations with care and concern. Make sure you listen to what they have to say without judging or jumping to conclusions.
Example: “I’ve noticed you haven’t been joining us for our usual activities lately. Is everything okay? I’m here if you’d like to talk about what’s been going on.”
You can also ask open-ended questions such as, “What’s been going on for you?” or “How have you been feeling?”.
This approach opens the door for conversation, showing you care about them and want to listen to their experiences. If they aren’t ready to open up, that’s okay. Just let them know that you are there if they change their mind.
Validate their experience
Avoid minimising their feelings with comments like “just relax” or “there’s nothing to worry about.” Instead, acknowledge that their anxiety is real. You might say something like, “I can see this is really difficult for you right now.”
Example: Instead of saying, “You’re getting upset over such a small thing,” try, “I can see you’re feeling worried about this. How can I support you right now?”
Remember that what feels manageable to you might feel overwhelming to them.
Ask how you can help
Rather than assuming what they need, ask how you can best support them. Some people find it helpful to talk through their concerns, while others prefer space or quiet companionship.
Example: “I want to support you through this. What would be most helpful right now – would you like to talk about it, or would you prefer if I just sit with you?”
By asking what they need, you help them feel more in control of their situation and ensure your support is helpful rather than overwhelming.
Offer practical help
Anxiety can make everyday tasks seem overwhelming. By offering practical help, you can help ease the person’s load. Here are some ideas:
- Prepare a meal or help with cooking.
- Offer to run errands, do laundry, or clean the house.
- Do the school drop off or pick up.
- Walk the dog.
Offer to help get professional support
If their anxiety begins to interfere with their daily life, relationships, work, or enjoyment of activities, professional support can help. Let them know that they are not alone, and you can support them by:
- Offering to help them arrange a doctor’s appointment. A GP can assist with a mental health treatment plan and give a referral to a mental health professional.
- Offering to accompany them to appointments if they’d find that supportive.
- Helping them research various support options, such as online tools and apps, support groups, and community services. Medicare Mental Health is a good starting point.
Example: “Would it be helpful if I researched some support services in your area? We can take it one step at a time.”
Taking care of yourself
When you are supporting someone with anxiety, it’s important to maintain your own wellbeing. Here are some things to consider:
- Set healthy boundaries around what you can reasonably offer.
- Share the caring role with others when possible.
- Talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling and coping. Whether it’s a friend, family member, counsellor, or support group, connecting with others can reduce stress and offer perspective.
- Visit the Carer Gateway website, which has free services and support for carers.
You don’t need all the answers to make a difference. Showing up – consistently, patiently, and with empathy – can provide comfort to someone struggling with anxiety.
If you’re concerned about someone’s anxiety or if supporting them is impacting your wellbeing, reach out for support. You can contact CAREinMIND to speak with a counsellor about how to support your loved one or yourself. Your GP can also provide advice and referrals to appropriate mental health services.
Our CAREinMIND counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 096 269 or click the floating chat button on the right. The service is free for people in north, western and central Melbourne and is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
The CAREinMIND blog is delivered by Lifeline. The views in each post do not necessarily reflect those of North Western Melbourne Primary Health Network.
References
[1] Mindframe https://mindframe.org.au/mental-health/data-statistics
[2] World Health Organization https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disorders